Fuzzy brain.. aching heart.. it all adds up.

The past few months.. okay.. 6 months.. I've been busy. I've settled into the city.. I've created a playgroup (which has become super successful). I became a Thirty-One Consultant.. and I work at Old Navy. These things all keep me pretty busy, and while I could easily make time to update my blog.. I forget.. or get preoccupied. Or I do think about it.. but just don't feel there is any REAL update for this particular blog. Recently, I met another mom who has two adopted children.. and I started thinking again.. about a second baby. About how wonderfully blissful and content I would be with another baby. My heart still aches for a second. Most days it's okay, but I see a newborn, or a pregnancy woman, and I want to just take the baby and hold it.. forever.. and then I want to cry. Mind you, I don't just break down into tears right on the spot.. but inside, I'm sobbing. I would prefer to be pregnant again.. because I loved being pregnant.. but the more I think about it.. there are so many babies who need homes. Why couldn't I bring one of them home? I worry if I would be able to bond with an adopted child like I would one I carried.. but I think the bond would be there.. it would just be different, and I would undoubtedly love the child no less than I already love the beautiful daughter I have now. IVF... yeah. I think about all I went through. Do I want to do it again? The meds.. constant bloodwork.. plus driving an hour at 7am just for a 5 second blood workup.. with a toddler in tow.. it's a lot to take on. Physically. Mentally. Even without a toddler to drag along! My daughter is 3 now.. and some days I feel like I must be insane for wanting another child. Seriously. She's stubborn, willful, and super smart. She talks to me like a 5 year old would! The things she says.. kills me! I'm beyond grateful for what I have. I love her, and when she takes her little hands and cups my cheeks, looks at me, then puckers up for a kiss.. my heart just melts. Every.Single.Time. It doesn't matter that just a few minutes prior she had a full-on screaming tantrum over something (most likely me telling her no, or the dog sniffing her toys - she thinks he's gonna eat them!). That doesn't matter.. the sweet loving, moments.. they erase all of that. And I think.. a second one of these.. oh yes, please! I could totally handle it. So.. that's where we are. We are at a crossroads. Hopefully next week I'll be calling Social Services to discuss adoption and speak to someone about what to do to start the process. I've been reading a bit on their website, but for me, it is better if someone could just TELL me. If you have adopted thought about it, or know someone who has.. please leave a comment to discuss! I'm always open to advice, and love hearing others' stories! Because either way we will need money.. I started a fun with ChipIn that will go towards our goal. If you are abe to contribute, that would be a huge blessing. even if it's only $1.