So, a dear friend of mine asked me today - "Do you plan on freezing any embryos this time?". Well - Yes. I want to, absolutely. Without a doubt. The problem is that it's not cheap. It's a highly emotional and personal decision. If this cycle doesn't work, having some frozen embryos for a future cycle would make the financial burden a little less, if we ever did another cycle.
There are many options - we could donate them, which basically feels like putting our potential children up for adoption. I would know full well that whomever would get these embies, (as they are so affectionately called by many), would be grateful, and would be wonderful parents and would cherish the baby, because they have yearned and wanted it as bad as I do. But - I have that feeling.. my child could be out there somewhere.. and that makes me instinctively NOT want to donate.
We could donate them to science - for research. For them to run random, weird, crazy tests. To see what happens if they inject jelly bean juice into it. (Okay, maybe they won't do that, but you get the point.. ) This is a very respectable choice - it could potentially aide in the advancement of infertility and IVF. Obviously, the more research they can do, the better it will be for anyone going through it.
Next, we could have then destroyed and discarded. This is what we opted for the first time. I felt bad,but we just could not keep them. So - that's what we did. And I still wish we hadn't done that. I fear, this may be what we have to do again. I'd like to take out a loan, or sell my car, rather than do that, but.. I have to accept that this may be the realistic option.
I get very emotional when I think about it. I know this upcoming cycle may very well be our LAST CHANCE at another baby. If we freeze the remaining embies, that means there could be possibility for a future frozen cycle. If we don't save them, then.. well, if we don't have awesome coverage like we do now (and will only have through June) then we would have to try to come up with money for a full IVF cycle.
Frustrating. Scary. Heartbreaking. I know what I want to do... but I don't know if we will be able to do it.
Speaking from experience, do whatever you have to do to freeze those little ones. Then, if you decide not to use them, donate them to someone you KNOW so that you never wonder "what if". That is my advice anyhow, you don't have to do it. Just what I suggest.
ReplyDeleteHeather - I've thought about that.. but then I wonder - if that child comes out looking like Bella, then I worry that I will always think that is "my" child, being raised by someone else. Watching them grow... It is so hard to think about that stuff. I appreciate your thoughts though, they make sense.
ReplyDeleteMichele-I have thought about this exact thing, and to be honest, I couldn't do it either. It probably sounds selfish, but to be completely honest, we've wanted these babies for so long, and worked so hard to make them that if I can't have them myself, I don't really want to give them away either. We've considered adoption and started down that road, but I can't see myself being on the other part of that adoption traid. I know that's awful to say especially when there are people out there just like us who would love to have them, but I just can't wrap my head around it.
ReplyDeleteI'm following your blog, but mine isn't listed (due to the nosy coworkers situation), but I'd love it if you'd follow me! http://ourlittlefamilysjourney.blogspot.com
This was such an emotional issue for me. I felt exactly the same way you did and ended up saying I'd donate to science but my embies never made it that far and the choice was taken from me. It was a blessing b/c it hurt just to think about it. I will pray for peace in whatever decision you decide. Praying so, so hard for you!
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